So the last time I blogged anything it was 2017. I think I was in freefall.
I’d had a few bad races, a few bad training sessions. I put on a Considerable! amount of weight! Much heavier now than when I started my journey.
I’ve been searching for something… never wanting to give up. Still trying to fight through every work out. Hurting myself more than usual. Getting horribly upset because I can’t do it. Bailing on races and beating myself up. Just dropping my selfworth by yards every time.
I’ve had some sports coaching – fail
Life coaching – interesting but not a massive revelation
Work coaching – definitely a challenge. Don’t know where I want to go with that.
But I guess it’s all getting in my head somewhere as we’ve had a bit of a lightbulb moment.
I watched this video this weekend: My Big White Thighs
That hit home. I don’t often talk about it, but I’ve been down the miscarriage road. Twice. Ultimately I was glad it didn’t happen for us. I don’t think kids fit in our lifestyle. But I do think I used sport/triathlon/training as a thing to paper over the grief, the thoughts of failure… I mean everyone can make babies right? I can’t I failed.
I threw myself in to sport in a mad hope to have some control. I guess I never really found that.
But here’s this lady talking about things and how she’s changing her outlook. (Do watch the video, she’s awesome! Really hit home for me)
She’s trying to find the old Hannah. Where’s the old Nicole.
This is me just going out swimming in the big swim. No hope to win, no hope to get a PR. Let’s just finish.
No pressure. Just fun. Having a giggle with the people I know. Not thinking “Oh my god. I have to at least beat whatsherface” Yeah that was toxic when that kicked in.
This is me at Eton Dorney…. Check out the pig tails. Still having fun. This is me still going up, still being bad enough that every step forward was progression. This grin says I think I know what I’m doing now… Ummmm?
I think this was the race husband got more pictures of Mel C than he did of me! 😉
Post race at Dorney, if I had to guess, I’d say this was the Banana Man tri.
I wont be judging myself against others here as most of the field is blokes. So sit back and enjoy it!
This is me New Years day a few years back. Kayaking.
Kayaking always means pigtails. 🙂
So do all the other pics, fun stuff means pigtails. ToughMudder, that was pig tails.
Disney races.. pigtails, or pigbuns if that’s such a thing?
This weekend we went indoor skydiving. (This is where the pigtail change came about) I plaited my now much shorter hair and rolled it in to two buns at the nape of my neck to keep it out of the wind.
Husband says, “Aww that makes me happy, we’re always off for an adventure when you have your hair in pigtails” Are we? Umm yep, doing something madarse? Pigtails. Ski-ing, swimming, kayaking, climbing…. pigtails.
So I’ve already decided I’m growing my hair out again. Lets get some of the old me back.
So this might not be so much about triathlon, although I do think it’s in my blood and wont go away completely. It’s more about having fun, and the stupid stuff we do on a regular basis.
What challenges, what adventures, what daft thing will we do next?
It doesn’t have to be expensive – but lets get out of this TV watching, junk food eating rut.
Lets go on mini adventures….. In PIGTAILS!
Adventures in pigtails 